Saturday, August 1, 2015

Witching Hour starts with a 'fang'

By Vin “Skull” Eek
Staff Spooks Writer

After a nearly perfect Halloween season last year where monsters claimed more victims per capita than any season prior, freaks, demons and other evil beings and entities look to put an even bigger bite on the less monstrous in 2015.

A blue moon wasn't all that was out last night. A few minutes past 12:00 a.m. just outside the Transyl-vein-ia limits, three fiendish ghouls were the first to materialize after a coven of witches cast the annual spell to ring in the beginning of the Halloween season.

“The witches went out pretty close to midnight,” said a local vampire, “and they began chanting for goblins and ghoulies and werewolves. In no time, three ghosts appeared in the humans’ dominion and chased a poor wino through a park in a small Northern California suburban community until he dove into a dumpster and began throwing items of trash at and through the specters.”

According to sources, a few werewolves and a sea creature were next on the scene. In a joint effort, they took down a group of teens taking selfies in front of a work of vandalism they crafted at a Bloomington, IN, bait and tackle shop that had closed for the night.

Experts have claimed that people scare less easy these days because of how scary popular media has become.

“We find it about the same,” said a giant-sized monster bumblebee that’s been haunting for over four decades and was out haunting last night. “The newspapers are always trying to make it sound like we can’t scare anymore. Go talk to that Colorado couple driving home from the bull fights last night. They looked pretty scared with my stinger piercing through the roof of their truck and into their Bose stereo. Shut Garth Brooks down in a hurry. Ain’t nothing like a good old-fashioned scare-people-off-the-road-and-into-a-ditch scenario.”

There were plenty of UFO sightings last night. Officials said most of them were not even part of the Witching Hour séance.

“Most of these were juvenile rebel E.T. that haphazardly broke through to the other side,” said a member of a swarm of giant killer tomatoes rolling through the English countryside. “One of the saucers literally splashed down on a group of my co-terrorizers, and we had to reassess our attack on a field of cows. No kidding, those cows looked like they were going to charge. But it turns out the aliens in those ships didn’t even have their flyers’ permits. Some thing’s gonna have to do something about this new generation of rebellious scarers.”

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