A zombie spotted near the Transyl-vein-ia Mall last night had taken 100,000 steps throughout the course of the day, according to his Fitbit—one of those wristband sensors that measures your steps—which goes to show that zombie hordes put on some serious miles.
“No wonder zombies never run,” said a wicked warlock who saw the zombie and his horde pass by earlier in the day. “They’re probably so tired from walking so much.”
According to a local witch doctor, however, the zombie may not have taken all those steps.
“The zombie wasn’t technically wearing the Fitbit,” he said. “It was strapped to an arm—just the arm—that was dangling out of the zombie’s mouth. And the arm previously belonged to a long distance runner.”