Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Elvira goes to the stake for hostessing bad movies; lucky her

By T.V. Killznweluvit
Staff En-terror-tainment Writer

It’s not every day you can say you’re going to get a chance to burn at the stake, and so TV horror movie hostess (with the mostest) Elvira must be thrilled.

According to sources, the movies she presents on her program are so awful and her puns so terrifying that local angry mobs are going to set her ablaze like a good old-fashioned witch tomorrow night right here in Trasyl-vein-ia.

“She’s being persecuted -- not for witchcraft,” said mob leader Bernall Demwichiss, “but rather for causing mass hysteria for the terrible, low budget horror films she introduces on her show. We feel it’s time she gets the star treatment. She’s been admired around here for so long.”

Elvira wasn’t available to comment for this story, but friends said she’s honored and deeply humbled, and she thanks the angry mob that selected her for the burning.

Critics predict she’ll be up for another persecution next year based solely on the line-up of bad B-movies she plans to host this coming year. Monsters can hardly wait.

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