Sunday, September 13, 2015

Humans employ zombie bite to reanimate Walt Disney

By Itsas Tretch
Staff Sc-why-ence & Technol-oh-no-gy Writer

Walt Disney -- American entrepreneur, cartoonist, animator, film producer and theme park creator -- was cryogenically frozen after he died in 1966 so he could be reanimated in the future when scientists had the science and wherewithal to accomplish such a feat.

While skeptics dismiss this fact as urban legend with claims that Disney was cremated instead, Transyl-vein-ia experts suggest the cremation is actually the urban legend and the freezing part is truth.

“We had his frozen body in our lab for decades,” said Transyl-vein-ia scientist Farf Etched following a reanimation experiment he conducted on Friday. “We never did come up with good science to reanimate Walt, but we did come up with the next best thing -- we simply brought in a flesh-eating zombie to bite him.”

Walt Disney, the man who gave us Mickey Mouse and Disneyland, did, in fact, come back to life early this morning following the zombie infection.

“The last we saw of Walt, technology was archaic,” said Badeye Deas, who came up with the idea to bring in the zombie to bring Disney back to life. “We couldn’t wait to see what he’d do with the Internet and smart phones and computer animation and all the other wonderful stuff we have in the 21st century.”

Following the bite and “Walt Zombey’s” re-animation (pun intended), scientists immediately began showing the corpse-brought-back-to-life all that the Walt Disney company has accomplished since the man’s demise, technological advances following his passing, and they even gave the artist a brush, some oil paints and an 18” X 24” canvas to see what he’d put down for all to see.

“He took anything and everything in with the eyes and ears of a newborn child,” said police officer Klee Nupthemess. “And then he went after all the scientists in the lab for their flesh and blood and brains, and took all that in with his mouth to eat.”

Officials said Walt’s zombie is still on the loose and still very hungry for flesh and blood and brains. As in life, this new Walt is unstoppable.

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