Friday, September 18, 2015

Zoltar machine seen getting friendly with Esmeralda machine at New York carnival

By Phil Thandgrime
Staff Dirt Writer

Zoltar, the fortune-teller from the fortune-telling machine made popular in the 1988 movie “Big,” was seen courting the Esmeralda machine early yesterday evening.

According to sources, Esmeralda is not happy with The Swami, whom she’s been serious with since their carnival moved from New Jersey to New York about a month ago. Zoltar, one source added, has what she wants.

“That Zoltar is no good,” read a card that spit out of the “Grandma’s Predictions” fortune-telling booth. (This machine doesn't talk.) “I predict he’ll move on to someone else in the very, very near future.”

While skeptics of the new fling are fewer than those who believe that Zoltar and Esmeralda are a new item, The Swami had nothing to say. Someone pulled his plug and is sending him off to be sold at an auction somewhere.

“We think he’ll sell for at least $5,000,” said fortune machine collector Josh Baskin. “But that’s not the point. The point is that Zoltar is the one who should be worried because, only yesterday, I saw Esmeralda getting friendly with an automaton.”

Esmeralda called Baskin a liar.

“All an automaton cares about is his writing and drawing career,” she said. “I want someone who’s deeper than that. Zoltar doesn’t do it for me either. As soon as I find my honey The Swami, who has waaaay more messages for the paying public than Zoltar, we’re getting married. And then you’ll see. We're meant to be together. I should know -- I'm a fortune-teller.”

Zoltar denied any involvement with Esmeralda as well.

“The opinion which other people have is their problem, not mine and not yours,” he told this reporter. “I’m only interested in sharing wisdom. Give Zoltar more coins. I have much wisdom to share with you.”

I ran out of money before getting anything else out of Zoltar, but he was later seen sharing a Spook House buggy with Madame Cassandra, the fortune-telling machine normally stationed at the other end of the carnival midway.

Time will tell all. Give the JLP more coins. And we’ll have more wisdom to share with you, too.

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