By Yerd Oomed
Staff Wreak-reation Writer
New quicksand recreation centers are opening up all over the state of California. Monsters invite humans to join them for a swim.
Over the course of the year, a handful of the state’s cities and water districts have implemented restrictions on swimming pools, ranging from suspensions on swimming pool construction to constraints on draining and refilling pools. Monster municipalities are building quicksand pits in graveyards and near haunted houses as alternative recreation sites.
“We had a lot of fun putting together these quicksand centers,” said Sinkor Swymm, chief engineer of the pits. “Formerly known as areas no humans would dare go, these quicksand sites have amenities like quicksand, which goes without saying, half-sunken play structures to entice the little ones to climb, and twisting slides to the pits -- and ultimately your doom. We also designed the pits to accommodate more sinkers -- they’re deeper than the usual quicksand pits so they’ll fit more guests.”
These centers were fairly inexpensive, according to Swymm. Wicked witches magically transported the quicksand, and the play structures are old pieces of equipment that humans formerly deemed unsafe. Volunteer monsters did most of the labor. Swymm said the majority of the costs went toward advertising.
“Unfortunately, the centers have been ‘dead,’” Swymm said. “But we expect business to pick up as the drought continues to get worse and humans continue to shut down swimming pools. People will have to go somewhere.”
To locate a quicksand center near you, go to GoingGoingGone.mon.