By Jack O. Lantern
Pumpkin patches everywhere are drawing large crowds, and people are getting excited to bring their gourds to life.
Pumpkins are equally excited.
“I can’t wait for someone to put a knife into my face and give me eyes and a nose and a mouth,” said Jill L. Lantern. “And I love the feeling of people putting fire in my head for all to see my jack-o’-lantern grin.”
Other large orange fruit are not so thrilled.
“Sure, it’s nice to be able to project that Halloween magic when candle light flickers out of our faces,” said John J. Lantern. “But I’m not looking forward to being tossed into the street. And I’m definitely not looking forward to being put into a pie tin for Thanksgiving.”
Some ghouls are offering to pick up jack-o’-lanterns to take them back into the monster realm before their candles are blown out at the end of Halloween night.
“I’ve got a ghost hearse that’ll fit a bunch of our pumpkin friends,” said a ghoul who wishes to remain anonymous. “But it’ll be up to the pumpkins to make sure their human hosts don’t snatch them up before the night is over.”
Not to worry -- sources say people are good rule followers, and that they’re well aware of the four golden rules of Halloween:
-Wear a costume;
-Pass out treats;
-Always check your candy;
-Never blow out a jack-o’-lantern before the night is over.
To make reservations for your ride back into the monster realm, jack-o’-lanterns should go to ThisPumpkinNotGoinOutLikeDat.mon.