By Jack O. Lantern
Countess Akasha, a vampire from South Transyl-vein-ia, was scaling a castle wall when she decided to snap a selfie. Before she got the right pic with the right expression, she dropped her selfie stick and her camera, and lost them both in the moat below.
Vampires can transform into bats, take the form of green mist and climb walls. They often show off their skills on their Instagram pages with selfies up the wazoo.
“I’m not self-absorbed,” Akasha told reporters after scouring the moat unsuccessfully for her photography equipment. “I just wanted to update my profile pic and I had a really good one of me about five stories up the side of my castle wall, right above the creature in my moat.”
The damages were priceless, according to the countess. The GoPro camera she was using was the Hero4 and cost about $500 at Best Buy. The selfie stick, however, was specially built so the vampire could take selfies while in the form of a bat with no hands or fingers to hold the stick.
“I don’t know where I’m gonna get another one of those,” Akasha said. “I’m so mad I can go to my coffin and stay there for the rest of eternity -- literally.”
Akasha celebrates her 217th birthday next month. She asked that friends and family consider finding the gypsy that built her selfie stick and get her a new one.
“I just hope that gypsy can be found,” Akasha said. “You know how gypsies are always on the go.”
Akasha said she thinks the name of the gypsy that made the stick is Bela. Send any and all leads to Akasha@AkashasHotSelfies.mon.