Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Tom the Turkey Terror spotted going after turkey farmers

Turkey farmers all over America have been reporting Tom the Turkey Terror sightings all day. Throughout November, these farms have been making claims that they had nothing but the highest quality poultry. Now they have no poultry at all. Some now have birds that resemble the walking dead with wings. In several cases, the Terror allegedly orchestrated breakouts. In others, he zombified the turkeys and they fought back against farmers who were previously coming after them with hatchets. It seems Tom is making good on a promise he made earlier this month when reporters spoke with him about his plans for the season. He said, “I can’t wait to find someone who thinks he’s gonna put me on his Thanksgiving dish. I’m going after all those scavengers with turkey on the brain. Gonna be turkey on your face.” Many turkey farmers claimed they’d be re-branding their businesses since getting word about the sightings. One farmer, Willie Byrd, said he was going to phase out the whole “turkey dinner” thing and replace it with a business model that allows guests to view turkeys in their natural habitat. That way, he said, he doesn’t have to worry about getting a visit from Tom. If you see the Terror, please contact the Transyl-vein-ia Wild Bird Agency at 666-ReportBirds. They're keeping track of Tom's noble efforts.

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