Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Support Daleks in human takeover

By Al Eean
Staff Skies Writer

War is expensive and Transyl-vein-ia is turning to ordinary monsters for help in a global takeover led by the Daleks, an extraterrestrial race of mutants who are evil, not good, bent on the extermination of the inferior human race.

The Transyl-vein-ia Treasury is now offering war bonds for monsters to purchase. These war bonds will help support Dalek troops in their noble quest to rid the world of good.

“A war bond is both an investment in one’s world and an investment in one’s own financial future,” said Transyl-vein-ia Treasury representative Ineeda Yermunny. “This month, as Jack-o’-Lantern Press is looking to the skies to celebrate alien species, we’re offering $25 war bonds for just $18.75 each. We’ll even throw in a set of Ginsu knives at no additional cost if you purchase the bonds within the next 48 hours of this story’s post.”

The monster government will use your monies to help pay for human-sized pepper shakers for mutant exterior cover, space crafts to get Dalek armies to Earth, death rays for human extinction and everything else needed to fight and win.

"So, that's the investment you'll be making in your world," Termunny said. "Ten years from the time you purchased your war bond, you'll be able to redeem it and get $25. That's the investment you'll be making in your financial future. That's $6.25!"

According to a Dalek mutant, who wishes to remain unidentified, the Dalek army is just trying to get rid of human pests on Earth as quickly as possible.

“We just want to exterminate,” the mutant said. “Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminaaaaate!”

The Dalek species is a superior race. Davros, the one who created Daleks, took all emotion out of his creations' personalities in order to make them superior to any other beings, that way they could take over anything inferior. As a result, all that would remain is Dalek perfection.

“This call for Dalek support is an outrage,” said The Doctor, a centuries-old alien who travels through space and time in a TARDIS. “Vote ‘no’ on Daleks. Stop extermination today.”

Critics of The Doctor say he’s just against the Daleks because he’s not part of the Daleks’ superior race.

“I got news for most of the Jack-o’-Lantern Press readership,” The Doctor said. “Neither are you.”

The Doctor may have something there, in which case, don’t buy war bonds, get out your telescopes, look to the skies and contact The Doctor immediately at 1-800-WHOisWHOyouGONNAcall if you see Dalek space craft approaching.

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