Friday, September 23, 2016

UFO Springs ‘Rot Spots’ -- these places all have good 'up' views

By Al Eean
Staff Skies Writer

Aliens from other worlds began attacking what we now call UFO Springs on April 8, 1948. The 15 years that followed, which became known as Big Bad Attack 1 (BBA1), would prove to be one of the bloodiest conflicts in Transyl-vein-ia’s history, even bloodier than the vampire wars of 1027 B.D. (Before Dracula).

Over three million extra-terrestrials would come down and attack . . . for fun. Over three million zombies and mutants of the Transyl-vein-ia Armed, Legged, Winged and Finned Forces would defend their land . . . They had fun, too. But everyone and everything died by the time it was all over.

Today, E.T.s and natives live in harmony, and UFO Springs has become one of the top places to visit in Transyl-vein-ia.

Those who come to the Springs can walk through various forts and bunkers used during BBA1, examine an array of artillery pieces, explore the various museums and enjoy the views that the area’s defenders saw when UFOs and laser beams were raining down on them like the Great Rains did on Monster Island in ‘68.

History buffs will enjoy stepping foot inside Area 13 and checking out what’s left of the different types of aliens captured and autopsied there during the big attack. The carcasses have somehow not rotted away after all these years, but that doesn’t mean the smell won’t wipe you out on impact.

You can spend a whole night at Area 13. There are nightly tours of Pest Point Camp for the military, the Stage Roar Canteen (the famed restaurant and nightclub for native and allied servicemonsters of BBA1) never closes and several battlefields and other attack locations and preservation sites are open to the public.

Guests will enjoy UFO flybys, live cow abductions and military reenactments. But UFO Springs has plenty of other things to offer as well.

Below is a list of places to check out when you visit:

-Old MacDonald’s Farm (more comprehensive farm animal abductions than those at Area 13)

-Saucer Gazers Point

-Abduction Desert


-UFO Springs Launching Pad and Airway (be sure to check out the UFO Museum)

UFO Springs is a military town. When you arrive, be prepared to keep a tight schedule. But be sure to come in by bus. If you fly in, the natives tend to get a little jumpy and they’ll most likely shoot you out of the sky. No one wants another 15 years of warfare. 

This is one in a series of TRAVEL STORIES from the 13 districts of Transyl-vein-ia. These stories run weekdays between August and September. Jack-o’-Lantern Press’s regular news and entertainment coverage will continue in October.

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