Friday, October 7, 2016

Body snatcher finds missing pods on hike in Muir Woods

By Gelatinous Creature
Staff Pod Writer

A body snatcher hiking in Muir Woods in the San Francisco Bay Area last night stumbled upon a stack of pods that were reported missing from Pod Central near the Embarcadero last week.

The snatcher posted a video of the finding on his Podbook page, which has already received over a million views.

“I wasn’t out looking for the missing pods,” said the body snatcher, who wishes to remain anonymous (because there is no individuality in a body snatcher-filled world). “I mean, I’d heard the pods were missing, but I was just out on a leisurely midnight walk in the middle of the woods when I tripped over what, at first, I thought was a downed tree. I wanted to get pissed off, but the pod person in me wouldn’t let me express any emotion. Then, low and behold, I realized there was no downed tree at all. It was a pod. And next to it were several other pods.”

In his video, the body snatcher is investigating the pods and identifies them as the ones that were reported missing the week prior. He then taps each pod and asks if they’re awake. None of them answer him.

“I’m sure this podnapping was another human attempt to halt our efforts of ridding the world of emotion,” said Dr. David Kibner, an expert on Pod Nation. “But I really don’t care. Because I have no feelings on anything one way or the other.”

After further investigation, authorities announced just before dawn that the pods had not finished recreating the bodies they were duplicating. The pods were burned in a city garbage truck outside Pod Central at around 9 this morning. No pod people shed any tears whatsoever.

According to reports, one of the pods destroyed was covered with what some are saying was cotton candy. Sources said it has something to do with the circus tent that crash landed across the Bay near Sausalito. Nothing has been confirmed.

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