By Al “Things” Green
Staff Night Creatures Writer
A senior goblin who’s still hiding in trees and scaring kids for a living fell out of a large oak last night in a Northern California suburb and was taken to an animal hospital, unbeknownst to him, to be treated for a broken leg, a broken arm, a sprained wrist and neck troubles.
The Goblin, 171 years old, told hospital representatives that he’s never been treated so poorly in all his life.
“I get no respect in this hospital, no respect at all,” Goblin said. “When I got here, two men were wrestling me to the ground. I yelled for help. Someone ran in and put a muzzle on me. The two men told me, ‘Thanks for the call. We couldn’t have done that on our own.’
“Are you kidding me?” Goblin added. “I told the nurse I needed help going to the bathroom. She put me on a leash and walked me around the block three times.
“I said, ‘I just wanna be treated like the rest of the patients around here.’ They gave me a bone.
“What’s a guy gotta do to get a little respect around here? I’m the goblin that inspired Jack Prelutsky’s goblin poem in his popular ‘It’s Halloween’ book. So I tell the doctor I’m famous and ask if I can get a room I don’t have to share with a bunch dogs. They throw me in my own personal crate.
“And this doctor,” Goblin said. “This doctor was dumb. He asked why I was in that tree in the first place. I told him I still have to work for a living. Not just for the money, but for the benefits, too. He said, ‘What do you know? You also talk.’ He was a dumb doctor.
“He was so dumb, I told him I didn’t have a tail when he asked what happened to it, and then he laughed and said, ‘I didn’t think people still clipped Dobermans’ tails these days.’ This doctor was dumb.”
Yeah, we know -- so are these jokes.