Monday, October 17, 2016

Letters from the Lab: Adaptive Reality a reality

By The Mad Scientist

He advertised it in many worlds as a way for individuals to go about their day without having to do anything. They wouldn’t have to think, move and, in the case of humans, experience pain, which people, strange enough, don’t particularly enjoy. Even those with missing body parts could have new ones, thanks to the brilliant science called Adaptive Reality.

Professor Malcolm Sawyer was a mad scientist in Transyl-vein-ia’s Mad Science District who, two years ago, created Adaptive Reality and introduced it to mad scientists and enthusiasts during last year’s New Inventions Convention at the Mad Science Convention Center on Jekyll Drive.

“Adaptive Reality is not an ordinary system like Virtual Reality,” Sawyer told a packed hall of convention-goers last October. “With Virtual Reality, you’re put into an entirely invented environment. Adaptive Reality isn’t even even like Augmented Reality, where the real world has artificial and computer-generated beings and objects in it. Adaptive Reality is robotics and machinery that tethers to a living organism and then adapts to that living organism.”

At the convention, Sawyer demonstrated his Adaptive Reality on a zombie who had previously lost her leg to another zombie that needed flesh. Sawyer tethered his system onto the zombie and let her roam the hall for all to see.

“At first, it felt like I had a prosthetic leg,” the zombie said. “It was heavy and cumbersome, and it felt like a machine for sure. After about five minutes, though, the leg began to learn my moves and it adapted to me, and all of a sudden I couldn’t feel it anymore. It was as if my leg was back. And right there in the hall, I walked up to an individual taking notes on the demonstration, and I ate her brain right out of her head. It was fantastic!”

Sawyer’s second demonstration at the convention was even more impressive. He brought a giant chicken heart onto the stage and asked it what it wanted most. It said it wanted to know what it was like to terrorize a small metropolis, if only it could move.

“I’ve had dreams of marching down busy streets, stomping on evading humans, knocking over telephone poles and devouring mid-size vehicles,” the giant chicken heart said. “With Adaptive Reality, it sounds like all my dreams can come true.”

Then, with some newly-fitted AR legs and arms, the chicken heart stood up from the folding chair it was sitting in, walked out of the building, and, from the video screen, everyone in the hall watched it stomp on groups of evading pedestrians on Jekyll Drive, knock over telephone poles and devour full-size vehicles.

Sawyer’s third and final demonstration at the convention was with a human specimen. This human was snatched up from the suburban sector. It was still wearing fresh pizza stains on its shirt, and it was still clutching a video game controller and wearing Virtual Reality goggles. It hadn’t moved from its bedroom in weeks. It was the perfect example of “lazy teenager.”

“When was the last time you left your bedroom?” Sawyer asked the specimen on stage.

“I don’t leave my bedroom, dude,” the specimen answered. “Dude, this is the coolest VR I’ve ever seen. It really feels like I’m in a convention hall.”

The specimen didn’t even know it had left its bedroom back in the human world. When Sawyer asked what the specimen wanted out of life, it said it wanted to do nothing but play video games.

“Don’t you have to go to school?” Sawyer asked.

“Yeah, dude,” the specimen said. “Eventually I’ll have to go back, but I’m gonna enjoy my time until they make me go, bro.”

Sawyer said there’s a whole generation of human beings that can’t deal with going to school or work or social gatherings because they fear they’ll have to deal with things like stress, letdown and situations where they’d have to think. So, with that in mind, Sawyer attached an Adaptive Reality Body Suit to the human specimen he had on stage.

“The Body Suit includes a headset that fits around the ears and taps into the brain of the individual wearing it,” Sawyer told his audience. “I designed it to pick up on the individual’s thoughts and questions, and based on the individual’s thoughts, the AR will answer those questions. Then, using the answers, the AR will take actions on behalf of the individual.”

Once Sawyer had the human specimen fitted in the suit, he transported the then-cybernetic being through a portal on stage to the human world.

“It was like a dream, dude,” the specimen told reporters at the end of his first day in the suit. “I was at school, actually listening to my teachers’ lectures and I was somehow learning from them. Every girl I asked to the Fall Dance turned me down. And I was even doing homework for the first time in years. Bro, the funny thing is, I wasn’t doing a dang thing. The Adaptive Reality was taking in all the information, dealing with all the failure and doing all the thinking. I was more like a bystander, bro, but in my own body. It was totally mindless. It was awesome, dude!”

Reports yesterday confirm that Professor Sawyer’s Adaptive Reality was, in fact, a major plan to control all those who purchased and used his systems. Sawyer successfully sold over 1.7 billion units to humans and monsters in various worlds over the last year. He even had doctors inserting microscopic AR units into human and monster newborns as part of their vaccinations. Then, last week, he began to manipulate all AR-controlled individuals in an effort for his own good. He had them bring him various leaders from all the worlds so he could take ultimate control of all life.

And he would’ve gotten away with it if it hadn’t been for those darned kids.

“That’s right,” said one brainless kid in a group of many who were tired of being operated by Sawyer and his AR. “We wanted our lives back, so a bunch of us took off our patented Body Suits, hacked into them -- that firewall was totally vulnerable -- and we turned them all against their creator.”

Late last night, AR pieces from all worlds turned toward Sawyer’s lab in the Mad Science District, and began their invasion.

As of this morning, the explosions could still be heard from all over the Mad Science District. They were big. They were loud. They were endless.

Professor Sawyer is most likely a goner. He will be missed.

The Mad Scientist is a mad man with evil on his mind always and plans to take over the world at any given time. He lives in a castle on Lab Lane in the Mad Science District of Transyl-vein-ia.

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