Monday, August 28, 2017

Werewolves attack teachers, student body during first week of school

By Wolf Bane
Staff Schools Writer

WEREWOLFTOWN -- The school year at Blue Moon High began last week, and officials have already reported several incidents of bullying, fighting, stealing and at least one killing. Even a few teachers were “relieved” of their duties.

“By the looks of things,” said Principal Lupus, “this class of werewolves is shaping up to be a fantastic one, and we’re seeing a lot of great potential. Sure, we had to get rid of what looked like some promising students and a few teachers with tenure, but, hey, survival of the fittest. Come time to play our first football game this Friday against the vampires at Carpathian High, our pack will be ready to murder ‘em.”

Blue Moon administrators are making their best effort to keep this momentum up. They’ve launched a new program to promote bad behavior and ruthless attacks on one another, and there’s no room for anything less.

“We don’t want our students coming into the office on all fours and opening up to us about their feelings,” said Silvia Bullet, one of the counselors at Blue Moon. “And what you say in here doesn’t stay in here. Our job is to shred these whiners to pieces so that they don’t rub off on the more aggressive model students we have here at the school. After breaking them down to little pups in the office, we make examples of them at lunch in the quad, and let their peers finish the job or at least cause them to have a severe meltdown.”

But that hasn’t really been a problem this year so far, Bullet said. Most teen wolves, she claimed, seem to be adhering to the policies.

“Don’t misunderstand,” Lupus added. “We’ll have some occasional soft behavior, even from those who’ve signed our pro-intimidation pledge. We can’t just take a magic wand, wave it over all the students, and make every one of them behave the way we want. But we do know a wizard who can do that. He comes by with the magic wand tomorrow.”

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