By The Crazed Scientist
Special Events Writer
MAD SCIENCE DISTRICT -- A trip into the future has brought news of trouble this Halloween.
According to The Frantic Scientist, who built a time machine and demonstrated it last night during this week’s Annual Mad Science Convention at the Mad Science Convention Center, monsters who are traveling to the human world this Halloween will be unable to get back following the holiday.
“I went into the future and saw exactly what happens,” Frantic said. “The portals between our worlds do not re-open and cannot be re-opened, and hundreds of thousands of monsters are stuck living with humans forever.”
According to no one else but Frantic, the threat is very, very real. No studies, no research and no second opinions.
“And we’re to believe that that stupid thing with a spinning satellite dish on the back is actually capable of time travel?” asked The Sour Scientist, who was a little more than skeptical when he saw the display and heard the news late last night. “What are we supposed to do, not deploy monsters into the human world for Halloween, pull out all our operatives who are already there, call off All Hallows’ Eve for the first time ever, not scare anyone again? This is ridiculous. Something like this has never happened before, why would it happen now?”
Some rationalize that monsters can simply scare during the early hours of the night on Halloween, and just leave for the monster world before the portals close up for good, as Frantic reported, at 10:30 p.m. STT (Standard Transyl-vein-ia Time).
“Why take a chance?” asked The Turbulent Scientist. “I’ll be able to carry out plenty of my plans by 10:30.”
Frantic argued that all monsters going through the portals at the same time would jam them up, so The Turbulent Scientist’s greed, he said, to conduct her scares for Halloween shouldn’t sway others from acting foolishly.
“Mortals are expected to be foolish,” he said. “We shouldn’t be. But it doesn’t matter anyway. I’ve seen the future and it can’t be altered. It is what it is. A lot of you won’t listen and you’ll be trapped over there. I’ll be here looking for ways to make money off my discoveries. I’ve already got a book deal going, so . . .”
The convention floor has since divided, pitting those hitting the panic button on portal travel up against those calling Frantic’s claims a frantic hoax.
“I mean, look at the guy’s body of work,” The Sour Scientist said. “He’s tried and failed to take over the world over a dozen times. I say we all stick to our current Halloween plans, and show that we don’t buy into this ‘Frantic’ nonsense.”
Frantic later told skeptics not to listen to Sour, who has also, along with everyone else in the room, tried and failed to take over the world well over a dozen times.
“Don’t be Sour,” he yelled. “Be like me -- I’m Frantic. And I’m not panicking here. I’m responding based on real science.”
Frantic tried to take others into the future so they could see for themselves what awaits, but the eyes his time machine uses to navigate through time stopped being able to see and wouldn’t allow him to take other trips.
“I bought these human eyeballs at the local Evil-More Shopping Mart the other day for my machine,” Frantic said, “and it looks like it’s a bad batch. No worries, though, I heard there’s a sale on other eyeballs now. I’ll just run along and get some more.”