Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Transyl-vein-ia Hills community thrilled with Pres. Drac’s new blood misters law

By Werewolf Blitzer
Staff Pol-“It”-ical Writer

TRANSYL-VEIN-IA HILLS -- President Count Dracula has been making his way through all of Transyl-vein-ia, passing ordinances requiring establishments with patios or outdoor areas to install blood misters. Transyl-vein-ia Hills is the next district in line to get the law, following Downtown Transyl-vein-ia and the Mad Science District.

According to a poll, the residents here fully support the president.

“We love the idea and can’t wait to get the refreshing, replenishing blood misters spraying mists of blood all over all of us at our outdoor eateries and malls,” said Transyl-vein-ia Hills native Van Pyre. “It’s good for the environment, too. The blood used in the misters is all natural, organic and totally free of garlic.”

Those in favor of the blood misters were previously against a similar proposal to get the evaporative cooling and drinking systems in outdoor areas. Former President Electrified Creature, during his campaign, promised to bring blood misters to Transyl-vein-ia Hills as a ploy to get the vampire vote, and all of Transyl-vein-ia Hills dismissed it as a ridiculous law, claiming that “blood misters would make a mess of the town.”

“That was different,” Pyre said. “The Electrified Creature isn’t a vampire, so of course we didn’t agree with him.”

When asked if non-vampire residents feel the same way, Pyre said they do because even non-vampires in the area are under some vampire’s spell, so they have to take a vampire’s side.

Little do those like Pyre know, the blood misters law is really a carry-over piece of legislation from the Electrified Creature’s administration, and not the work of President Dracula.

“That can’t be true,” Pyre said. “If it were, we all wouldn’t be in favor of it. But we are in favor of it, so it must be Dracula’s doing.”

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