Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Annual passholders can enjoy limited-time Bigfoot National Park rashes, sores, bruises and more

BIGFOOT NATIONAL PARK -- For a limited time, annual Bigfoot National Park passholders can purchase collectible rashes, sores, scrapes and bruises at a discounted rate (while supplies last) throughout the park, and receive unlimited refills of infections for just $1 through Sept. 30.

Different ailments are available in various parts of the park:

-Lodging Town (Bigfoot design, complete with bulging blisters for your toes)

-Poison Ivy Picnic Grounds (poison ivy design, which you can get with extra pus for your entire body)

-Killer Bee Bend (killer bee design, including several throbbing baseball-sized stings and some that cause allergic reactions)

-Camp Slasher Psycho (slasher psycho design, which leaves you covered in slices all over your body and sometimes even loss of your limbs)

-Kimo’s Mai Tai and Fresh Seafood Ranch (bubbling, nauseous stomach design, which leaves you with that full, heavy, weak feeling)

-And more!

Here’s How It Works:

Annual passholders can stop by select danger zones throughout the park and buy one of the conditions mentioned above (or other surprise conditions) for a discounted rate of just $2 (normally $2.50). These folks can then get that cut, bruise or other symptom refilled with an infection anywhere in the park for just $1 (normally $1.50). Those with full, nauseated stomachs can get refills of stomach bile even cheaper at 75 cents (normally 85 cents).

If you’re familiar with the grueling activity you face when hunting Bigfoot, walking the grounds of the park endlessly, then you’ll appreciate cheaper refills. There’s nothing worse than an empty tank, an empty lesion and an empty wallet. Keep all three full with this special deal. That way when you find Bigfoot, he can refill his own collectible condition (large hand syndrome) and his own tank, at the low, low cost of your life. The fuller you are, the better you taste.

NOTE: Bigfoot especially loves the pop of liquid-filled victims and the flowing juices that result as he takes that first bite. Please, the Sasquatch asks, take advantage of this amazing offer.

No comments:

Post a Comment