Friday, September 8, 2017

Bigfoot National Park bus driver gets lost for hours, passengers thrilled

BIGFOOT NATIONAL PARK -- A red line bus full of tourists in Bigfoot National Park heading for Yeti Springs left Lodgers Square at about 11:30 last night and went missing for several hours.

The driver, a brain-dead zombie, somehow lost his way.

“When the bus failed to show up at my stop,” said red line employee Large Feet, who was at the Yeti Springs depot waiting, “we just wrote it off as the bus falling off the embankment above the Mighty River because that road’s in pretty bad shape. We’ve lost many buses that way.”

But the brain-dead zombie driver didn’t even make it that far, according to park officials. They’re guessing the driver made a series of wrong turns somewhere near the Ghost Glaciers and ended up who knows where.

“We discovered the bus in an undesignated part of the park,” said one of the park rangers. “It might’ve even been in another dimension. When we tried to lead them back to familiar ground, the driver and his passengers decided they preferred being lost. So we left them wherever they were, and somehow found our way back to our rangers post.”

Now the bus is officially gone forever. Park rangers said they wouldn’t even be able to figure out how to get back to where they were even if they wanted to, which they don’t. It was a fluke they got there in the first place.

“Family and loved ones of the souls aboard the lost bus were overjoyed with the outcome,” Feet said. “What monster wouldn’t be pleased with such horrific news?”

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