By Leonardo da Vampire
Staff Arts, Crafts, Blood & Guts Writer
MONSTER ISLAND -- Nightmarish works from your mind and everyone else’s minds are now on display in the Hole of Nightmares at the peak of Monster Mountain.
Dr. Nightmare, who began many years ago as the dull and studious Dr. Night, figured out how to rip people’s nightmares from their thoughts and bring them into being. Upon the overpopulation of the monster world in the early days of monsterhood as a result of this creation of life, causing a housing crisis for nearly every district in the land, Transyl-vein-ia officials banished the doc and his creations to the giant hole in the mountain, and have had him and his monsters trapped in there ever since.
“Holy smokes, that hole’s a mess,” said former Transyl-vein-ia President Phantom of the Opera, who was a city councilmonster at the time of the banishing. “The doctor is constantly accessing nightmares from your sleep and mine, and he’s been bringing them to life in that hole with no room to spare. You see, when we designed the hole, we lined it with monster proofing that can’t be cracked. And guess what? There’s no bathroom and no seepage in that hole, which is a whole other mess.”
Those interested (and armed with the proper full-face respirator mask to combat the stench) can take the Scare-ial Tramway, the longest and most dangerous aerial tramway in any world, to the top of Monster Mountain and walk up to the rim of the Hole of Nightmares to look down through the monster-proof glass at all the horrors inside. You might even see Dr. Nightmare himself.
“B.Y.O.N.,” said the skeleton that operates the Scare-ial Tramway at the foot of Monster Mountain. “That means ‘Bring Your Own Nightmares.’ Because if Dr. Nightmare gets a hold of your thoughts, he’ll bring them to life, and some creatures’ nightmares are truly, truly awful. It’s awesome!”
According to curators of the exhibit, secret codes, emergency release levers behind glass and evil spells are easily accessible in and around the mountain, and just waiting for some evil mind with evil plans to release the nightmares in an evil plot to take over the world. It should make for a really bad, really predictable monster movie, but without all the stop-motion effects.