By Werewolf Blitzer
Staff Pol-“IT”-ical Writer
MONSTER ISLAND -- If signed by President Count Dracula, and it’ll be signed by President Count Dracula, Monster Island officials will charge its citizens a higher toll (and the headline didn't say it, but they're gonna add a new bridge tax, too) on the Molding Gate Bridge coming from Shadow City toward Monster Island.
The only problem is that, while the bridge goes toward Monster Island, it does only that because it never actually makes it all the way to the island. The bridge, which bridges nothing, drops off somewhere in the Blood Sea in the middle of a fog bank(which never lifts), and those who have taken the bridge don't seem to know where it ends (because they've never returned to tell).
“Nevertheless,” said Molding Gate Bridge Commissioner Mel Dew, “the bridge isn’t molding at the rate we want it to mold. So we need more money, and that money isn’t necessarily for the purposes of accelerating the rate of the molding process. But all that money will certainly make us feel better.”
When asked why Monster Island citizens should pay a bridge tax on a bridge that doesn’t even touch their district, and a toll, which they’d be forced to pay whether they use the bridge or not, Dew said monsters of Monster Island have every right to be upset and to protest the tax and toll.
“But we’re going to charge them anyway,” he said. “One way or another, we’re getting the money we need to feel better about ourselves.”