Thursday, September 28, 2017

Vikings bust up Pres. Drac’s law-ordered blood misters, sack their own homes

By Vigdis the Venomous
Staff Vikings Writer

MONSTER ISLAND -- A group of vikings in Viking Village tore out President Count Dracula’s law-ordered and controversial blood misters, which were installed in all outdoor public places yesterday for the purposes of cooling off visitors and replenishing those who require blood sustenance, and then the group dismantled and destroyed the evap cooling and nourishing units, dumped them in the Viking Wastelands and let slave monsters turn what was left of the gear into complete and unrecognizable trash.

The vikings’ actions caused others to join in the demonstration against the President’s pushy ways, leading to hours of senseless violence, looting, sacking and other loads of fun. In fact, there was so much excitement to be had, pirates from the neighboring Pirate Harbor who saw and heard the commotion joined in and helped pull to pieces the entire community.

“I found a trash basket at one of the trading booths on the street, and I snatched it up and threw it right through a castle window,” said Renfield the Raider, one of the vikings participating in the pillaging. “But there’re no such things as glass windows in castles, not in our world, anyway. We just have openings in the walls. So the trashcan I threw through the opening of the wall kinda lacked the smashing effect I was going for. I guess it was the thrill of the moment that had us all going for it.”

Renfield and his fellow vikings, who were in between seafaring adventures, said the dullness of home life had the rough and rugged group itching for something to do. Windows or no windows, Renfield told reporters he had a ball as he and his fellow horned-helmeted heathens flogged and thrashed each other’s homes. It wasn’t until they saw the pirates taking part in the efforts and making away with their goods and their wives that they realized what the hell they were actually doing.

“We were so in the moment like actors in a play, we didn’t even see that we were obliterating our whole world, including our longboats, which is our livelihood,” said Igor the Gorrific. “Then to see these pirates helping us -- well, we couldn’t have that. So we just took our plundering over to Pirate Harbor and ransacked their homes and took their wives.”

The pirates, caught up in the thrill of the destruction, mindlessly followed the vikings into Pirate Harbor and had successfully destroyed nearly 75 percent of the pirate community before they figured out that things had turned on their own.

“Well, ye win some, ye lose some, eh?” said one pirate, Captain Bloodbeard, after having turned several cannons on a beloved pirate tavern in the harbor and fired at will. “I can honestly say this, though: It were a blast while it lasted, it were.”

According to village and harbor leaders, both territories will take about two years to rebuild. Those involved in the devastation apologized for being idiots.

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