Thursday, September 14, 2017

Zombie claims vampire removed chain from her bicycle, vampire says he didn’t, zombie still insists

By Skip Ingskool
Staff No Head-ucation Writer

CARPATHIAN MOUNTAINS -- At 9:17 p.m. last night near the bike racks at Carpathian Little Thrillers School of Pumping Hearts, a zombie second-grader accused a third-grade vampire of removing the chain from her Schwinn bicycle.

The vampire, a repeat student in Mrs. Snatchandswallow’s class for the disorderly, said he didn’t do it.

“Yes you did,” the zombie replied.

“No I didn’t,” the vampire insisted.

“Yes you did,” the zombie repeated.

“No I didn’t,” the vampire held firm.

The zombie said her bike was ruined and told school yard monitors that she tried to pedal the chain back on, but it didn’t work, and she feared she wouldn’t be able to get back to her grave after school.

“It’s all his fault,” the zombie told one yard monitor, who seemed to be consumed with trying to get two other students from getting along so well. “It’s his fault. It’s his fault. It’s his fault!”

“No it isn’t. No it isn’t. No it isn’t!” the vampire said.

“Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is!” the zombie continued.

The vampire and zombie pupils were still arguing at the bike racks when this story went to press. The sandwiches in their lunches were growing mold (even more mold than when the sandwiches were made). If the rising sun doesn’t destroy the monsters, their lunches will be having them for breakfast.

School officials applauded the students’ despicable behavior. The kids will likely receive an award.

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