By Mac Hete
Staff Home Slice Writer
VALLEY OF DOOM -- It wouldn’t be a trip to the desert without a visit to the center of the desert.
Several uninhabited barren spots in the Valley of Doom are only a few Transyl-vein-ia landmarks that slasher psycho Jason will stop by during his Friday the 13th farewell tour.
“He’ll be talking to fans and signing autographs,” said his mother and agent, Pamela. “And then he’ll be done forever. The end, the final chapter, he goes to Hell for good . . . He will die! But don’t worry -- he’ll be back in another, even more final farewell tour next Friday the 13th for a new beginning. He will live again!”
Other spots on Jason’s tour include Quicksand Ranch, Motel 666 on Hell’s Highway, The Oasis in Tombtown and the Monster Mountain Mine on Monster Mesa. He’ll also stop by other landmarks outside of the Valley of Doom. For a detailed tour list of landmarks in Transyl-vein-ia, go to Jason’s official tour site at CutAboveTheRest.mon.
If you plan on seeing Jason, be advised: the famous slasher psycho will not be signing DVDs or hockey masks. He’ll be signing limbs only. And he’ll be signing them with his steel imported Gerber Gator machete wielding a 15-inch blade on one side and an 18-inch high performance saw blade on the other. Be prepared to run. He likes the chase.