By Calamity Janine
Staff Fun and Catastrophes Writer
BLACK LAGOON -- The retired ghoul who discovered why and how Halloween would be ruined this year is said to have come up with a solution to save it.
E. Vilspirit, who resides in a home on Haunted Mansion Row, was playing around with some electricity and a hobbyist’s spell book this morning in his attic, when he learned how he could keep the portals between the monster world and human world from closing, allowing monsters to return to the mother land after they’re done scaring the crap out of people on Halloween.
However, Vilspirit told reporters that he’s not going to administer the plan to save monsters, and he’s not going to share the plan with anyone, either.
When asked what he planned to do, then, he said, “Nothing. I’m retired.”