CARPATHIAN MOUNTAINS -- Count Dracula can live forever, hypnotize his victims, change into a vampire bat, appear in the form of green mist or vanish at will. But around 11 p.m. last night, he struggled to put together a simple set of IKEA nesting tables for his new sitting room in the castle. After a slight mishap with a box cutter while opening the box, slicing open his upper right thigh, then somehow losing half the hardware for the tables, bending two of the legs and cracking one of the tempered glass tops, causing the loss of almost all the blood he’d consumed earlier in the evening, Drac ended up in the ER with 32 stiches and an I.V. While he was there, he wandered off in search of the bathroom, found the blood lab instead, and filled his tank with some fresh Rh-positive. The Count is now home and already planning a few more IKEA projects. He told reporters another trip to the ER wouldn’t be so bad, but actually quite refreshing.